My heart still skips a beat when I hear the front door chime after 11pm...
I still look for you when I enter your room...
I look for you in the shadows...
I look at your videos multiple times through out the day just to hear your voice...
I look for signs that you’re around...
I whisper your voice...
I crave to hug you, hold you, and love you...
I’m continuously looking for answers to how I could have saved you, how I could have done better....
Birthdays, anniversaries, and holidays are faced without you...
Previously joyous occasions are now filled with grief and sadness...
Mother’s Day and Father’s Day were a painful reminder of your absence...
I find myself still picking up gifts for 4 only to painfully realize that I’m now left with 3...
The grief and sadness come in waves...
I’m angry, guilty, lonely, sad, and tired...
I’ve come to realize that I’ve lost my best friend and confidant...
There is absolutely nothing I can do to fix this...
I’ve disengaged in activities that remind me of you...
Engaging in anything fun feels like a betrayal...
I’m distracted and can’t focus on anything...
I’m exhausted from the stress of grief...
Things I once enjoyed now seem meaningless or unimportant...
I feel anxious about seeing people and socializing...
I feel anxious about running into grief triggers...
I feel anxious about becoming emotional in front of others...
I feel anxious about grieving for you in front of the other children...
I no longer feel like a capable and competent person...
I wish I could turn back time...
I keep reliving the trauma of finding you...
I keep reliving the past few years over and over in my head...
I miss you....