June 23, 2020
Me: “Lil, where are you Beto?”
Lilly: “I’m downtown, I bought burgers and water and I’m giving out food to the homeless” (After she passed, I found out she fed 700 people that day)
Me: “Lilly, It’s Black Lives Matter, Riots are going on, I don’t think it’s a good idea for you to be downtown. Please come home.”
Lilly: “Mum, someone needs to take care of them, you don’t understand how it is, stop being judgmental”
Me: ”Lilly, I’m worried for my child”
Lilly: “Bye Mum, I’ll see you tonight. Love you.”
July 3rd, 2020
The phone rings, my heart skips a beat it’s Lilly.
Me: Hey Beto, everything okay?
Lilly: MUM!!! I’m hiking and I’m standing in front of an owl. Don’t bother looking up the spiritual meaning, I already did. MUM, I’M GOING TO DIE! IT’S A SIGN I’M GOING TO DIE!”
At this point, I pull into a gas station. Lo and behold - the name of the gas station is ‘HOOT’ and a huge OWL on the signage is staring down at me. I look up the spiritual meaning of seeing an owl.
Me: ”Lilly, it also means transformation. You’re graduating the group, you‘re transforming. I just drove into a gas station and a huge OWL is staring at me. Does this mean I’m dying?”
Lilly: “No mum, I’m seriously going to die. The universe is also giving you a sign. You’re not listening! Mum, I’m dying.”
Me: “No Lilly, God has to go through me before he gets to you! I bless you with both mine and dad’s life. Combined that’s a long life Beto.”
July 5th, 2020
The phone rings, my heart skips a beat it’s Lilly.
Me: “Hey Beto, everything okay?”
Lilly: “Hey Mum, I’m coming home, get everyone ready, I want to take you all on a hike.”
Whenever Lilly called, we would drop everything and make time for her. My husband was on his way out to a driving range. He canceled his plans. Nainu was out & Asmita was having a down day. Sim, my husband, and I got ready to go with Lilly. She took us for a beautiful hike down the river. Lilly normally walked with her father. Today, she walked with me and talked about her feelings, her insecurities, her fear of the future, and how she was just feeling like she needed extra support. We were almost down the hill when a black snake (5 feet long) slithered and slowly crossed our path.
Lilly: “Mum, I told you I’m going to die”
Me: “Lilly, you’re not dying. You are transforming. Nothing is going to happen to you.”
Lilly: “No mum, you’re not listening to me, I’m going to die”
Once down the hill, Lilly took us all to a beautiful rock to mediate. We got comfortable and sat in silence. Lilly sat next to me and interlocked her fingers with mine. The sky was turning colour and the sound of the water was so serene. We noticed a flock of Canadian Geese wading in the water across from us. Every time our family has seen Canadian Geese it has meant that a drastic change was imminent. A loved one was about to pass or an international move was about to happen. My husband and I shared a smile, thinking it was an international move.
In the past month before Lilly’s passing, a lot of deer had crossed my path. Deer were randomly running in front of my car and I’d see them on my walks. A week before Lilly’s passing, a mother deer and baby deer got separated in front of me. It was sad to see. The worst part was I couldn’t do anything to unite mother and child. The spiritual meaning of seeing a dear was: connection with the supernatural, the other world, a message being sent.
I was someone that believed in signs and synchronicities. It was one of my favorite things about the universe. Over the years, I had taught the kids to look up and be aware of the signs that came their way. Yet, I missed all the signs that I was going to lose my child! Would knowing have made a difference, would I have done anything different, would I have had the power to stop what happened that fateful night?
There are so many occurrences in nature that carry valuable information and significance to events in our lives. We just have to believe and pay attention. When it came to my child, I wasn’t paying attention. How could I? No parent wants to believe they are seeing a sign that they will lose a child. That’s just ludicrous!
In my heart, I felt that Lilly was transforming. She was scared about graduating the group, scared and anxious about getting additional mental health support, scared of what life was going to look like outside the rehab ‘bubble’. We were going to support her every step of the way. We were going to hold her hand. I had already made an appointment for July 20th with the mental health facility. Lilly was definitely transforming.
I was getting a nudge from the Divine, but I was not paying any attention. In hindsight, I feel that Lilly’s higher self knew exactly what was going on. She intuitively knew that her time here was coming to an end. These signs and omens were messages in disguise. After all, the Soul doesn’t speak in words but communicates through signs, symbols, feelings, instincts, and vivid dreams.
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